It’s Father’s Day weekend. If I am honest, a day that I don’t look forward to. Yes, it is a day I roll out the red carpet for my husband. Which in all truth he is the king of our castle everyday. We shower him with love and gifts not just for holidays, but on a regular basis.

But there is that other side of Father’s Day that I dislike, being Fatherless. I don’t talk much about my past, but I am slowly beginning to open up because it seems that every time I share a bit of my story I bless someone. I get emails, messages of people thanking me.

I am God’s mouthpiece and I have to speak when He says speak. I wrestled with this blog for a few days. Even going as far as asking my husband to write it from his viewpoint. He is Fatherless, but his dad passed away. He unlike me had an amazing Father and great upbringing.

When he didn’t say yes right away I knew what that meant and God directly said, You write it! So hear it goes…

I grew up with my dad being in and out of my life. He was very verbally and physically abusive to my mom.

This was not a good environment to grow up in. My mom eventually got enough and closed the door completely. She tried hard to keep us together. But were we really together? No we weren’t, he didn’t connect with my brother and I.

I have very few positive memories with him. I vowed to myself that when I was older, I would never marry a man like him. Thankfully I didn’t, God gave me way more than I could have imagined in my husband. He’s not perfect but he treats me so well. He’s an amazing Father to our children. I couldn’t ask for a better man. God gave me what I needed.

He has loved me through some of the toughest times as I dealt with this.

Growing up with a dad who didn’t want to be in my life left me feeling rejected and feeling unloved.

I came to know God when I was 12 years old. God came in my life and completely changed me and began to do a work in me and used me for His glory. I wish I could say that this changed how I felt about myself not having my dad, but it didn’t.

I still felt rejected and unloved. Which caused me to be an overachiever and to be hard on myself. In the back of my mind I felt that if I kept achieving what I put my mind to, he would pay me some attention and want to be apart of my life; But he didn’t.

Our heavenly Father is a Father to the Fatherless. “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling” (Psalm 68:5).

He also wants us to know who we are in Him. We are LOVED. “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not” (I John 3:1).

We are welcomed. We are Powerful. We are Wise and so much more.

My dad wasn’t there, but I had uncles who stepped up and loved me. Specifically my Uncle Bo. He is like a dad to me.

He has been there for so many special moments in my life including special moments like Grandparents day for my kiddos. Even with the move to Houston he has come to events for our kiddos.

I am so thankful for Him.

In addition, I was a member of a church for over 20 years and the Pastor was like a dad to me. He and His wife treated me like family. They welcomed me into their home and loved on me like their own.

These moments helped with all that I was going through and feeling inside.

I am so thankful.

But though they were there for me that spirit of rejection continued to hover over me. Those Fatherly influences were great, but didn’t fill that void. Causing me to have issues in friendships and relationships when things didn’t go right. Making me feel there was something when at times there wasn’t. Also causing me to be controversial and feeling I needed to confront everything.

It wasn’t till about 3 or 4 years ago, I began to confront this spirit of rejection head on. I began to realize I am worthy. It’s his loss if he didn’t decide to be apart of my life. I am awesome. I am blessed.

God began to restore me and help me to walk in confidence and boldness in Him. Helping me lift my head and believe I am somebody in Him. I am loved by Him. He’s a good, good FATHER!

I am surrounded by so many friends that love me. I eventually realized that God places the right people in your life for what season you are in. Not everyone is meant to be there forever. As hurtful as that sounds it’s not rejection, it’s truth and we have to remember that. Keeping people there who aren’t meant in that next season will make that season even tougher because they aren’t meant to be walking with you. Man, I didn’t intend to share this, but I believe it’s for someone.

Rejection is hard to deal with. It causes you to not want to open up to others, make new friends, try new things, apply for new opportunities, because you eventually begin to think that they will say no.

But I eventually learned God opens and closes doors that are not for you. But what He has for you is for you!

I may not have my real dad here, but my Heavenly Father is always there. He loves me and this journey is part of my story that has only made me into the woman I am today. Allowing me to reach those who may be walking through the same thing that I have.

I know this blog is a little all over the place but God put this on my heart and I have to be obedient to Him.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the Father’s! Those who are celebrating today without a Father for whatever reason, remember your Heavenly Father Loves You! “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light” (I Peter 2:9).